3:32 AM

What is that thing on Matt’s neck? I can’t sleep. I should have built a snowman with them today. This is going too fast.  I’ve got to do something with all those pictures. I need to live in the moment. I need a spray tan. Why does my left foot hurt on the left side? I need to exercise more. I should really get up earlier and do the 5 AM Jazzercise class. What’s that quote? “A year from now you’ll wish you had started today.” Jon’s grandma is going to die. 100 years old. I don’t want to live as long as Leone, but I don’t want to go too early. What is the perfect age to die? I can’t think about this. I want to be with my family forever. I don’t want to miss a thing. Jon would need to marry someone. That would be fine, but I’d come back and scare the shit out of her. What is that thing on Matt’s neck? How come a trained dermatologist can’t give a solid answer?! I can’t sleep.

7:24 AM

I should be more organized. From now on, when these kids have cold lunch, I’m making it the night before. I’m getting up at 5 AM every day. I gotta stop with the snooze button. Maybe I could do laundry early in the morning. I need to get a handle on this laundry situation. I’m throwing all those socks away. Why is Matt constantly teasing Mae? I think he’s going through a growth spurt. I should’ve just let him get a Mohawk. I need to lighten up. Mae wants to learn to sew. Do they have sewing classes for six year olds? I’m gonna have to learn how to sew. These kids need to brush their teeth more. I need to help them brush. No I don’t. Yes I do. I dunno. Did they brush their teeth this morning? I should make them have hot lunch more often. That’s lazy. I wish I had a maid. I should go to jazzercise tonight for the 7:30 pm class. Homework, dinner, jazzercise. No red wine tonight. Damn it, I forgot it’s wear blue day! Shit. 

10:23 AM

If I hear the word synergy again, I’m gonna run through the wall. Culture Strategy, really? I’m gonna explode. I should appreciate my job. I’m lucky. I really get to do what I love; kind of. I am very lucky. I sold my soul to corporate America. I should start writing my own stuff, not stuff for the man. I don’t have time. I should make time. I need to talk to my gyne about my PMS. I think I’m pms’ing. I need to find new recipes to cook. I should teach Mae how to make piecrust. I’ll ask Jackie for Leone’s recipe. Why, on the first week back from Christmas break, does the school have a theme for each day? Matt’s Bears hat is blue and Mae’s Frozen backpack is blue. I should be taking notes. I’m starving. I should’ve eaten breakfast. My breath smells. What if I’m one of those people whose breath smells all the time and no one tells them? I need to carry mints. Meetings should be fifteen minutes. I wonder if I can scoot out of here early today. I’m gonna stop at Hobby Lobby and get a needlepoint kit for Mae. What is the theme for school tomorrow? Iceless hockey starts Friday. Matt needs new shoes. Shit, today is sign-up for swimming. Robust; there’s another word that gives me hives.

2:48 PM

I shouldn’t drink so much coffee. Maybe I have a heart murmur? I’m stressed. Green tea instead of coffee and more water. How does a thirty nine year old have acne? I need to stop touching my face in meetings. Swimming is 332 bucks!? Everything is expensive. We need to save more money for these kids. I should do some freelance projects. College is going to be one million dollars. Jon and I should just start our own business, and then the kids could just take over. It’s so competitive. It’s crazy. People are crazy. We are not doing tackle football. I wonder if that cake is still across the hall…

5:32 PM

I hate my fat stomach. I should surprise Jon with a date night. I want a tummy tuck. That’s selfish. But I really want one. I hope Mae loves her body. No one really ate the dinner. I screwed up the lime shrimp. I should really follow recipes verbatim. There’s no way I’m making it to Jazzercise. I might as well have red wine, screw it. You only live once. Tomorrow is dress like the past day. Maybe they can just wear what they wore today? Matt needs to stick up for himself on the bus. He’s too passive. Maybe tackle football would toughen him up? Should I sign Mae up for cheerleading, she needs to be more active. She’s only 6. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. Am I screwing them up? I’m exhausted. I should go downstairs and do a load of laundry. Do these kids have socks for tomorrow? I need to make cold lunch now, but I’m too tired. I’m out of juice boxes. Am I giving them too much sugar? I think Mae has strep. Why can’t the pharmacist just give me a jug of amoxicillin? If Mae’s going down, Jon’s gonna have to stay home tomorrow; I have that stupid goal meeting. What is this zit on my nose?

9:38 PM

I need to make a list. I should send a note to work right now. 100 years old. That’s a long time. We’re staying at a hotel. Mae’s swimsuit is too tight. I could go to Wal Mart right now and get her a new suit. Does Matt have dress shoes? I need to do seventy loads of laundry. Do I have a nice black dress? I should pack everyone now. Maybe there’s a Kohl’s in Oshkosh close by. We’ll just go to Kohl’s when were up there. “That’s OK that great grandma is dead because now she is an angel with wings and she is flying.” Oh, my goodness. That’s the sweetest thing ever said. Mae says the most amazing things. I should write all of these things down.

3:32 AM

What is that thing on Matt’s neck? I can’t sleep.