THE BICKERSONS HAVE A VOCABULARY LESSON

CHARACTERS

MAE: 8 years old

MATT: 10 years old

MOM: 41 years old

DAD: 42 years old

JAKE: 4 (the family dog)

vocabulary.JPG

 

(The Bickersons are traveling up to Wisconsin. Dad is driving, mom is in the passenger seat. Matt and Mae are in the back seat. Matt reads. Mae holds a giant over-stuffed dog pillow. She is watching Moana.)

(Jake, the family dog, scoots across the front seat into dad’s lap and over his arm so he can look out the window.)

MOM:

That’s how he likes it.

DAD:

We’re gonna crash.

MOM:

Just go in the right lane. We’re not in a hurry.

(Jake looks up at dad and wags his tail.)

See? That’s how he likes it.

DAD:

My arm is falling asleep.

MOM:

You don’t need two arms to drive a car.

DAD:

He can’t sit like this the whole ride.

MOM:

Just let him do it for a little.

DAD:

This is ridiculous.

MOM:

It’s how he likes it.

DAD:

Well then you can navigate.

MOM:

I’m not the navigator.

DAD:

Well, when I have one arm you are.

MOM:

Well, you’re not gonna have one arm the whole time.

DAD:

Well, I do now, so you’re the navigator.

MOM:

Go straight.

(Matt is reading in the back seat.)

MATT:

What does ren-des-vos mean?

DAD:

Rendesvos? I don’t know.  It’s Spanish.

MATT:

It says, “We are going to have a rendesvos.”

MOM:

Maybe it’s rendezvous? R-E-N-D-E-Z-V-O-U-S?

MATT:

Yes

MOM:

That’s French. It means a secret meet up.

DAD:

Like spy guys are gonna have a rendezvous and shoot people up.

MOM:

Do we have to have people die at the rendezvous? It’s just a secret meeting.

DAD:

Well, a secret meeting that spy guys and killers and murders have to plot to shoot up stuff and steal stuff.

MOM:

Or, not. It’s just a secret meeting. Like, me meeting with Aunt Kelly to plan a surprise party or something.

DAD:

…where they’re gonna steal purses and shoot people after the cake.

MOM:

No. No one is getting shot after cake.

DAD:

That's what they think.

MATT:

So, rendezvous is a secret meeting for killers.

MOM:

No.

DAD:

Yes.

MOM:

You’re ruining our kids vocabulary.

DAD:

I’m making it awesome.

(Mom heads to her phone to settle the score.)

MOM:

“A meeting at an agreed time and place. Typically between two people.” I thought it was secret, but it’s not even secret. Maybe because it’s fancy, it makes it sound like secret stuff is gonna happen.

DAD:

I don’t care what the dictionary says, it’s a secret spy meeting where bad stuff gets planned. You don’t use the word rendezvous to just say, “Hey, let’s meet.”

MOM:

Well, in the dictionary you do.

MATT:

So, what does it mean?

DAD:

Spy meeting.

MOM:

It just means- have a meeting. To have a meeting. Meet up. Plan a meeting.

DAD:

And then kill and pillage people.

MATT:

What does pillage mean?

MOM:

Jesus!

DAD:

You should watch your vocabulary.

(Mom gives dad a look.)

MATT:

Yeah, mom!

(Silence. Matt goes back to reading. Dad laughs. Mom looks out her window. Dad has had it with Jake laying over his arm.)

DAD:

OK, get him off my arm, now. That's enough, Jake.

(Mom, ignores dad.)

I can’t drive the rest of the way like this. Hey. Can ya help here?

MOM:

I’m sorry that’s not in my vocabulary.