I could tell you about all the great things that have happened over the past 13 years, but truthfully it’s the terrible stuff that makes our marriage. As unlucky as this list sounds, each of these things have made me see deeper into my friend, partner, and life-long buddy- Jon. I’m so lucky he’s so much more than what I thought he was when we said, “yes”.
Does anyone really know who they've married until the shit truly hits the fan?
There’s no one I would rather go through this terrible, challenging, amazing, awful, enlightening, frightening, funny, sad, messy, ugly, pretty, disastrous, miraculous life with.
So, I say, "CHEERS!" To thirteen unlucky years...
1 SIP: Here’s to you starting this all off by kissing me awkwardly on the forehead when we we’re 19. For breaking down in Gary Indiana with $13.00 dollars to our name, and to that bastard who broke into your Chevy Caprice and took your tools and bowling ball.
2 SIPS: Here’s to ruptured tendons, and stubborn plantar warts. To holding me when we didn’t hear the heartbeat. Smashing the plate over the kitchen sink when you burnt the expensive steaks, and pushing me forward when I was in a dark place.
3 SIPS: Here’s to paying off medical bills and credit cards, chasing down the guy who stole your car. Landing safely on that runway after the lightning almost struck us down, and telling me it’s not farts when it was an appendicitis.
4 SIPS: Here’s to exploding toilets. To Nerf gun darts in the eye when you’re taking a crap, Lyme Disease, adult acne, potbellies, giving puppies back, and 30K in house repairs over one summer season.
5 SIPS: Here’s to shattered bones, extensive physical therapy, falling through the glass shower door and pulling poo out of the dog’s ass.
6 SIPS: Here’s to losing your job when I found out I was pregnant, t-boning that car and shoving your bumper in your trunk to drive home because you didn’t want to pay for a tow. Here’s to piling our credit card debt back on, and off, and on, and off again.
7 SIPS: Here’s to that person in France who stole our credit card information. To discovering it’s better to fly on Xanax. For holding my hand when they gave us the bad news. For expensive scotch we can’t afford and trying to get rid of those ants.
8 SIPS: Here’s to fixing the dryer, car, icemaker, dishwasher, RC planes, bikes, toilet, sink, vacuum, and dinner.
9 SIPS: Here’s to wrinkles, age spots, sagging asses, and prescription glasses. Here’s to loving me through all fads, sizes, and bad places I’ve visited in my mind.
10 SIPS: Here’s to night drives. Screaming and hanging up the phone. Texting in all caps. Going up stairs to hash it out and ordering pizza that won’t get eaten at 2AM.
11 SIPS: Here’s to the asshole who stole the diamond earrings you gave me on our wedding day. To getting robbed in the parking garage and breaking down on the Ohio turnpike a million times with zero dollars to your name.
12 SIPS: Here’s to losing sleep, but not weight. To worrying about the kids, about our parents, about our future, about our friends, about our siblings, our nieces and nephews, our jobs, our health, our country, our bowel movements.
13 SIPS: Here’s to the good, the bad, the ugly and the things we can’t even mention. Here’s to whatever lurks around the corner. May we have enough Xanax. May there be enough scotch to pour two glasses. May we laugh, but not so much we shit our pants. Whatever it is, may we be strong enough to face it together; or fast enough to run away holding hands (cause you can't carry me anymore).
We got this…I think.
KEEP YOUR SOUL