What’s this guy doing? Get a number guy. What number are we on anyway? 47. I’m 56. Oh god. Maybe I should just skip the lunchmeat. What the hell does this lady think she’s doing? Get a ticket lady. Everyone here has tickets. That’s what these little scraps of paper are. That’s right. Grab a ticket and get in line. 48?…who’s 48? Pay attention people. What am I getting? I’m getting salami and turkey and white American. Why is deli meat so god damn expensive? I should buy a whole turkey and bake it and slice the meat myself. That’s never happening. How come we can have iPhones but we can’t figure out how to slice deli meat faster? We can hold the entire world in our hand, but we can’t get past slicing meat and cheese like we’re in the eighteen hundreds. Can’t someone step up and invent machinery to move the deli counter forward? I mean, can we call in a space engineer to help these people? Oh my god, how much deli meat is this lady getting? She needs her own deli guy. She’s totally monopolizing the deli guy. He’s not your personal deli bitch. He’s just a man. The meat can’t get thinner. It can’t. She’s not even gonna be able to peel it apart and get good slices to make sandwiches with that thin meat. I swear if she asks for another pound of something, I’m skipping this whole deli situation. Don’t keep asking her if the slice is ok, just slice and go, deli guy, slice and go. Oh, of course you can’t just take the half pound, now he’s gotta go to the back and get another ham. Now, who’s this lady? No, there’s no interrupting the deli guy when it’s not your turn. Heat up your kids mac and cheese? No. No. No. No. No. You already had your turn. Deli guys don’t heat up mac and cheese. They slice. Oh my goodness. Now he’s in the back heating up the mac and cheese and looking for more ham. Yeah, we’re all looking at you lady, cause you’re killin’ us with this. You’re killing the deli guy. I feel bad for this poor guy. Why is there only one deli guy here? Where are all the other deli guys? This is longest deli line I’ve ever seen in the history of man. 51? Anyone? Anyone? Move to 52. Move to 52. Clearly they aborted this missing because mac and cheese lady took it too far. Now I’m gonna pee my pants. Oh my god I have to pee so bad. I think I’m gonna pee my pants. Come on 52 get up there. Good, he’s going with salads. Stick to the salad side. Scoop and plop. Scoop and plop. That’s right get the crab salad and get outta here. 53? 53. 53? 53! There’s no 53. Yes ! 54? Go for it 54. Get up there. Oh. No. You. Did. Not. Ooooh. LORD. I’ll pay you to not ask coupon questions. It’s a fifteen cent coupon. Fifteen cents! I’ll pay you one hundred dollars to give me your turn and burn your coupon book! 55? 55? 55. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?! I’m gonna pee. You’ve been standing in line for seven days. How can you NOT be ready? You can see we’re all dying here. We are DYING AT THIS DELI COUNTER, MISTER! I’m gonna pee. I think I’m peeing. What am I getting? Salami, turkey and white American. I can’t hold it. I can’t. Oh no, I-
“I’m sorry. I have to run…”
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