Cheese balls rolled in crushed nuts, tinsel, elves on shelves and cornucopias filled with crap.
Last minute co-worker gifts, ham coming out of your ass, wrapping paper cuts, and over flowing garbage cans.
Expanding waistlines, fights in the aisles, cocktails with themes, and passive aggressive moments with family.
Butter by the pound, sugar on everything, a million engagements, and debt from over spending.
The constant ringing of the Salvation Army bell. A list that rolls down the hall.
Returns, receipts, and receding hairlines. Hearing “A Holly Jolly Christmas” fifty million times.
Burnt crescent rolls and a surplus of plastic Dollar Store shit. Pinterest projects spewed throughout the house. Shattered bits of family heirloom ornaments.
Binge drinking, over eating, and loafing on the couch. Amoxicillin, ear infections, and chugging cold syrup down.
Caroling and gift cards galore. Amazon packages covering the floor.
Liquor and liquor and more liquor, please! A hundred blocks of Philadelphia Cream Cheese.
Re-gifting gifts for third cousins removed. Buying stock in t-lights to set the mood.
Peppermint and candy sticks. Chocolate and pumpkins pies. Putting on big pants to squeeze over your growing thighs.
“Ho, Ho”-Holy shit the house is a wreck. “Deck the halls with” Xanax.
Rip through the presents. Tear down the tree. Unplug the lights. Throw away everything.
The Holidays are coming. Do you have what you need?