THE BICKERSONS EAT CEREAL

CHARACTERS

MATT: 10 years old

MAE: 8 years old

DAD: 42 years old

MOM: 41 years old

cereal.JPG

(The Bickersons are at the kitchen table eating unhealthy sugary cereal. Dad is cleaning out the car to get ready to take the kids and their friends to the Renaissance Faire. Mom is drinking coffee and trying to read. Matt takes breathy bites and is chewing with his mouth open. Mae has had it.)

MAE:

You have to chew like this…

(She takes a bite and shows Matt how to chew properly. She bites one piece of cereal and chews sitting up as straight as she can, and as slowly as she can.)

MATT:

That’s not how anyone chews. You look like an idiot. It would take you three years to finish the cereal if you ate like that Mae!

MAE:

Well when you chew, it’s annoying and disgusting and you look like a pig!

MATT:

I’d rather be a pig than an idiot, and anyway pigs are smart.

MAE:

Pigs are dumb bacon that sit in mud.

MATT:

Well good. I’d rather be bacon than be sitting around trying to eat cereal like an idiot.

MAE:

Idiot is not a nice word. Mom, he’s calling me an idiot.

MOM:

Say nice things to each other.

MATT:

She called me a pig!

MAE:

Because you eat like a pig! And you just said you liked being bacon. You liked what I said.

MATT:

You’re an idiot and you show people how to eat like idiots eat.

(Mom is trying to read.)

MOM:

If you can’t say nice things, then don’t talk! Eat in silence!

MAE:

I’m saying nice things like how to eat nice and sit up nice and not sound like a pig when he eats and he’s saying mean things like I’m an idiot.

MATT:

Because you just said-

MOM:

DON’T SPEAK! No talking unless it's something nice!

(The kids have pushed it to the limit. They chew in silence. Matt concentrates trying not to sound like a pig. Mae watches him.)

MAE:

Good piggy.